The holidays, especially Christmas and New Year\u2019s, can be a very difficult time for those coping with grief.<\/p>\n
The joyful and merry spirit that typically prevails gives way to feelings of sadness and loneliness, which only deepen with every gathering with friends and family, and every awkward (albeit well-meaning) comment. You\u2019ll hear things like: It\u2019ll take your mind off of things! We\u2019ll do just like we used to! He\/she would have wanted us to enjoy ourselves!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Such good-intentioned comments do nothing to fulfil your desire to hold your loved one, to hear them laugh, to look into their eyes or to rediscover all the little things that make them unique and irreplaceable.<\/p>\n
The first holidays following the loss of a loved one are often the most difficult. And while there are no magical solutions to ease the pain of loss, here are a few ways to help make this time of year a little more peaceful.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Making decisions that are right for you:<\/strong> You don\u2019t have to accept every single invitation.<\/p>\n Whether you decide to take part in the festivities is entirely up to you. Another option is to simply make an appearance. You can let your loved ones know that you are finding this time of year especially difficult, to help them understand your choices. In other words, it\u2019s important for you to talk about your needs and limits. You might not have enough energy to celebrate or attend gatherings. Grief can take a very heavy toll both physically and psychologically. In such contexts, certain things\u2013like preparing for the holidays\u2013can become particularly arduous, even overwhelming, which is why it is important to ask for help or to delegate tasks to others.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Creating your own ritual:<\/strong> Bereaved individuals typically find great comfort in organizing some sort of tribute or moment of remembrance for the deceased. Whether it\u2019s a dedicated space or a moment set in time, such rituals allow to honour the lost loved one while shaping new memories. An event that may have seemed senseless in the absence of the deceased thus takes on a deeper meaning. It\u2019s about finding a gesture that will enable those present to remember and pay tribute to the deceased.<\/p>\n Here are a few examples:<\/p>\n – Taking turns naming a quality of the deceased that you would want to instill in your own life.<\/p>\n – Making a toast to the deceased and sharing happy memories.<\/p>\n – Setting up a memorial with a candle and pictures of the deceased for people to gather.<\/p>\n – Preparing the deceased\u2019s favourite dish and handing out the recipe to guests.<\/p>\n – Hanging a memorial Christmas ornament on the tree.<\/p>\n – Visiting the cemetery or columbarium before the event.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Allowing yourself to do things differently:<\/strong> Incorporating rituals into your usual traditions inevitably makes things different. Another option is to go for something completely different, be it the time, the place, or both. You can also limit the number of guests. And if you\u2019re used to doing all the preparations yourself, don\u2019t be shy to ask each guest to bring a little something to make it easier on yourself.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Taking moments to breathe and enjoy yourself:<\/strong> Many times, those coping with loss feel guilty when they experience pleasure. It\u2019s important to plan something enjoyable, whether alone or with loved ones. Allow yourself to laugh and to let your mind wander away from the sadness of loss. After all, enjoying yourself does not mean forgetting. Such moments of respite are an essential part of the grieving process, without which ongoing suffering and pain become overwhelming and unhealthy.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Connecting with nature:<\/strong> Those grieving often feel guilt-ridden when they begin getting back in touch with life. They feel as though they are betraying or abandoning the deceased. The truth is that connecting with human, animal or plant life is truly beneficial for the grieving process. Several studies have shown the positive impact of nature on physical and emotional health. Simple things like walking in a park or taking care of an indoor plant can help strengthen one\u2019s spirit, inside and out.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Staying active:<\/strong> While the thought of getting up and being active may be dreadful during the first few weeks, it\u2019s important not to give in to this fatigue to avoid slipping into a lethargic state. There are many ways to stay active, including taking part in short social activities, spending an afternoon cooking, going for a beauty treatment, playing sports, etc. The goal is to exert some type of moderate physical effort to boost your energy, without going overboard. Getting yourself up and active, one small step at a time.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Spending moments alone to live your emotions:<\/strong> It\u2019s normal to experience a myriad of emotions during grief. Such emotions include loneliness, sadness, anger, guilt, shame, to name but a few. Recognizing these emotions and allowing yourself to express them proves beneficial during the grieving process. For instance, shedding tears of grief and pain releases a calming and soothing substance called endorphins. Also, recognizing your emotions often tapers down the heavy and burdensome feeling of oppression that comes with grief. Bottling up your emotions and holding back your tears will only lead to greater suffering.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Healing through words:<\/strong> Sometimes a single phrase is all it takes to inspire hope and bring a little comfort. Here are a few ideas of how words can be used to promote healing: jot down quotes or words of wisdom in a notebook; make a montage of inspiring and encouraging words; read a page from a calming and soothing book every day.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Respecting each other\u2019s differences:<\/strong> No two people experience grief the same way. Some people may react in ways that seem inappropriate to others.<\/p>\n That said, no matter how different people\u2019s reactions may be, they all deserve respect. Some people are more expressive than others. Everyone has their own pace. There\u2019s no sense in trying to establish a set of rules for what\u2019s normal and what\u2019s not. Each person is unique, as is each grieving process. Each person should openly express their needs regarding the upcoming holidays.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n